Parents & Children #3: The Promise

I. Introduction
A. Last week we read a verse which told us we must hate our parents or God will count you unworthy to be His child. Today we read a verse that sounds almost opposite: Honor your parents, and your life will be blessed by God.
B. Even in the context of the Christian community, it is sad how few open, warm relationships there are between grown children and their parents.
II. The first commandment with a promise
A. The first thing to say about this command here is that it doesn't only apply to kids. It also applies to grown children.
1. Jesus Himself made this clear when He scolded the Pharisees for not honoring their parents when they gave to the temple the money which should have gone to support their elderly parents, and for teaching others to do the same. (Mark 7:9-13)
2. I think it even applies to those who have lost their parents.
a. We can still honor or dishonor them in our hearts and with our words.
3. So, take a moment and think about your relationship with your parents. Think about the way you feel about them.
B. It’s obvious that your relationship with your parents has a gigantic and usually permanent effect on your life.
1. Your relationship with your parents can have a profound impact on your marriage, your parenting, your ability to trust other people, your relationship with other authorities like teachers, bosses, and police officers, and even your sense of well-being.
2. This is not a modern discovery. This is something the Bible told us long ago. In fact, it is something that goes back at least to the giving of the 10 commandments on Mt. Sinai. You see, God knows more than we do.
C. This command asks us to ask ourselves: Is it well with you? And, if not, could it be that this is the reason?
1. Could it be that this is the reason behind our employment problems, or behind our marital problems, or behind our loneliness or behind our lack of self-control or our failure to grow up into maturity in the Lord?
2. Could it be that bitterness toward our parents or rebellion or thanklessness or neglect are sapping the power of our lives, perhaps without even realizing it?
3. If we are going to take these words of God seriously, these are questions we must honestly ask ourselves.
4. Each of us must consider the possibility that our lives are being crippled in some way by our disobedience of this command.
D. Do you know what else this passage says? It says you don’t have to be a helpless victim of your parents’ sins.
1. Some of you experienced unthinkable things at the hands of your parents, things which would make me weep if you told me about them.
2. You may have been grieved and damaged by things you experienced at the hands of your parents. But this passage seems to say that well-being is possible. And that the key to well-being is how we respond to our parents.
3. The damage we need to be concerned about is the damage done by responding wrongly to what has been done to us. In other words, allowing ourselves to be bitter toward our parents and not doing anything to try to address it, the damage of tolerating a broken relationship.
4. According to these verses, our welfare is not dependant on their parenting of us but on our attitude towards them. It doesn’t say, “Have good parents and it will go well with you.” It says, “Honor your parents and it will go well with you.”
III. If you realize that you have fallen short of properly honoring your parents, where do you begin? Where do you go from here?
A. The first thing is to do an inventory of your own failures. The Bible advocates repentance therapy.
B. I know it’s hard to think about your own failures and sins when the sins of your parents are much more flagrant.
C. But we need to do what we should always do when we realize our sin. We start with repentance, first before the Lord and then before anyone that we have sinned against.
D. We must first take the plank out of our own eye, before we worry about the speck in another's eye. (Matt.7:3-5) And that is certainly the best way to get started with your parents.
E. That’s what I did when I was convicted by this passage 20 years ago. I went and apologized to my parents for the wrong attitudes I had held toward them over the years.
F. But I didn’t stop there. I also humbly told them about the hurt I had experienced in our relationship. I was honest with them. An important part of honoring your parents is opening your heart to them.
1. 2Corinthians 6:11-13 “We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange -- I speak as to my children -- open wide your hearts also.”
2. Share with them what is in your heart. Let them get to know you.
3. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that it provoked a new day of warmth and openness in my family.
G. This raises the question of what it means to honor your parents.
1. It means to think the best of them, to give them the benefit of the doubt.
2. And one thing THIS means is to believe that they love you.
3. One of the very most pernicious and vile ways to dishonor your parent is to assume that they despise you.
4. It’s not impossible that this is true, but it’s so extremely unlikely that for most people it’s not worth considering.
5. You see, God gives parents a special love for children that is very profound and very Biblical, because it is a picture of His love. And part of honoring God — and your parents — is recognizing that love.
IV. Putting it into practice
A. Can you imagine yourself having this kind of conversation with your parent/parents? Are you already imagining their bad reaction?
B. Well, if you really open your heart to your parents, for the sake of the Lord who commanded it, God could do great things through it, couldn’t He? Is God’s grace not greater than your parent’s sin?
1. In 1Cor.7 Paul urges Christian wives who were unhappy being married to unbelieving husbands to stick with it. And he asks them: How do you know they won’t be saved through you? (v.16)
2. When I was in high school, a baby Christian, our church youth leader kept encouraging us to show love to our parents. My parents had recently gotten divorced and I lived alone with my dad. One day I was leaving home and I turned around as I left and said to my father, “Love you, Dad.” As far as my memory goes, it was the first “I love you” in my family history. Years later my father told me that after I went out the door, he crumpled to the ground in tears.
3. Nothing is too hard for the Lord! Remember that He is the One “who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.” (Eph.3:20)
C. And even nothing changes, the real goal isn’t to reconcile. The goal is to honor.
1. The goal is to, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:18)
2. I.e. the goal is TRY to reconcile. If they reject your efforts, if they laugh in your face, if they ridicule you, that’s not your problem. Your job is to honor them, to think the best of them, to love your parents as yourself, even if it doesn’t yield a happy result. The promise is not that it’s going to give you a happy relationship with your parents, the promise is that your life will go well.
V. Why does this work? Why does honoring your parents make things go well for you?
A. There are natural reasons for this. Some are obvious:
1. People who have learned to honor their parents are also likely to succeed in other relationships. If they’ve learned to look past their parents’ failures and appreciate them for what they are, they’re likely going to be able to relate well to friends, neighbors, bosses, church leaders and work associates. You are also more likely to relate to your children and employees well if you relate well to your parents.
2. Another way honoring parents makes things go well for you is that honor tends to improve parents. If you make their job a joy, then life is going to much more pleasant for you.
a. You’ve seen the T-shirt: "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
b. The Bible says it in Hebrews 13:17 "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority...Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you."
c. Don't just say, “Dad's grumpy!” or “Mom’s impossible!” But ask, "What do I do that helps make it hard for Dad or Mom? And what could I do to make their job a joy?"
d. A parent whose finds his parental job to be a joy because of the way his child treats him can make all the difference in the world in terms of whether it seems like things are going well with you or not.
e. And if you have a good, healthy relationship with your parents, you have a sense of well-being, a sense of being supported, a sense of security, that makes you approach life in a more healthy way.
B. But there is one reason this works which might not be so obvious. You see, there’s a connection between the way we relate to parents and the way we relate to God. The way you think about and treat your parents is usually a reflection of your heart attitude toward God.
1. He is our heavenly parent, “our Father who art in heaven.”
2. It’s no accident that rebels against God are also rebels against parents (2Tim.3:1-5; Rom.1:29-30).
3. Honoring God who’s perfect may seem like a far cry from honoring very imperfect parents.
a. But even though God is perfect, it often seems to us that He does not run the universe in a perfect way. So, it is just as hard for us to honor the perfect God as it is to honor imperfect parents.
b. Relating to God involves being able to give up your own will and follow Someone else's will. The best place to learn that skill is as a child in the home, under your parents.
c. And once you have learned to think the best of your parents, who are evil, how much easier it should be to think the best of God who is always good.
4. Chances are that there is a parallel between how things are going right now in your relationship with your parents and how things are going in your relationship with God.
5. Requiring us to honor our parents is one of the ways God trains us to honor Him. Generally a person who learns how to honor his parents right is going to have learned how to honor God.
C. One more question: Is God self-serving to require us to honor Him and love Him? Actually, it’s the most loving thing He could do, for He knows that only in loving and honoring Him will we find our highest happiness.